this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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