My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
