I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
