billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
