So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
