Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
