i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
