I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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