cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he fucked my hip out of place.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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