I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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