You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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