the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
