Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
