I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
