Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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