just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
