Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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