PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
