Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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