i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
