that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sorry my hands just texted you
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
