You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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