my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
