My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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