i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
