have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
