Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
