Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
