I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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