So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
