I got chris browned last night
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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