had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
