I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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