how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
