Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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