just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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