Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
