The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
