I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
