that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
