yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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