Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
