Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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