if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
