The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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