my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
