really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
