Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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