so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
