4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
