mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
